


paper thin plans

by darthswift13



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Getting Back Together, Praise Kink, References to Abuse, Rey Has Issues (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Trust Issues, Unsafe Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Wall Sex, references to abandonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:29:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27534529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthswift13/pseuds/darthswift13
Summary: College sweethearts Rey and Ben promised each other they would open a bookshop together after graduation. They never do. Years later they meet again when Rey discovers he did open the bookshop after all — without her.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 22
Kudos: 254





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this [prompt](https://twitter.com/ft_shipper/status/1326735408416354305?s=20) except I changed it to a bookshop instead of a bake shop!

Rey hasn’t read any books in a long time. Not since college, if she’s being honest. Reading books just reminds her of him. But her friend Jannah has been pestering her to read _Normal People_ by Sally Rooney for months now, so she decides to go get a copy, just so Jannah will leave her alone. 

She doesn’t want to have to go out of her way to get the book, so she stops by the new independent bookshop near her office — which is incidentally just called The Bookshop. _Real creative_ , Rey thinks to herself. 

She opens the door to the bookshop and the bell on the door jingles softly. The bookstore is pretty simple, as the ever-so-creative name would imply. Just rows and rows of bookcases. No art on the walls, not even a nice rug on the floor. Her stiletto heels, part of her corporate job’s wardrobe, clack against the wood floor.

“Can I help you, miss?” A deep voice captures her attention, and she whirls around. Her breath catches in her throat when she sees him. _It can’t be,_ she thinks. But it’s unmistakably _him,_ the impossibly handsome man who towers over her, looking down at her with those warm brown eyes that she fell in love with all those years ago. His dark hair frames his pale face in gentle waves, and she remembers how silky it felt beneath her fingertips when she would run her hands through it. And he has those same constellations of freckles and moles across his face that she used to trace like a star map. And her eyes involuntarily dart to his lips for the briefest moment, those impossibly soft, plush pink lips that felt so soft against her own, and she remembers with a shiver how they felt on every inch of her skin.

She also remembers the promise they made to each other — that they would open a bookstore. _Together._ And she can’t pretend it doesn’t sting a little that he’s opened one without her. 

His brows push together while a smile pulls at his lips. “Rey?”

“Ben,” she replies, and it comes out sounding more breathless than she intended.

“What are you doing here, swe — ” He stops short, clearing his throat and scratching the back of his neck. 

“I, um — I’m just looking for a book.”

Ben nods. “Right. Of course.” There is an awkward silence that hangs heavy in the air between them. Ben swallows nervously. “Um — what book were you looking for?”

“ _Normal People_ by Sally Rooney?” she says, her voice going up at the end like it’s a question. 

“Oh, that’s a good one. It’s been really popular lately, what with the Hulu series coming out and everything.”

“Mm-hmm,” Rey replies awkwardly, her eyes darting to the floor. She feels a heaviness in her chest as memories of the last time she saw him flood through her mind. 

* * *

**_2 Years Ago_ **

* * *

His voice is strained and hoarse when he speaks, like he’s fighting back tears.

“I — I don’t understand, Rey. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, Ben, you haven’t done anything wrong it’s just — I’m just... I’m not in love anymore,” she says in a small voice, not meeting his eyes. It’s a lie, of course. She’s more in love with him than ever. And it _scares_ her. It scares her to death. Everyone’s always left her; that’s all she’s ever known. And surely it won’t be any different with him. Graduation is the perfect opportunity to make a clean break. Move to a new city. Start all over. Leave all this behind.

Protect her heart.

She dares to glance up at him, and the tears that are streaming down his cheeks now feel like a knife to her heart. “I’m so sorry, Ben,” she says, her voice breaking. 

“Can we — can we at least be friends?” Ben pleads desperately. 

And she wishes she could say yes, but that would only break her heart more than it’s already breaking. 

“I think it would be best if we just had a clean break,” she says quietly, eyes darting to the ground again.

“Right,” Ben says softly. He sniffs. “Right.”

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” she says again, turning away before he can see the tears that are starting to escape from her eyes. 

And then she stands up to leave.

“Sweetheart, please don’t do this,” Ben pleads one final time.

It takes everything in her not to look back, not to run into his arms and tell him she’s sorry, that she loves him so much and she always, always will. She wishes more than anything that she was brave enough to do that. 

But she isn’t. 

She leaves his room and she doesn’t look back. 

* * *

**_Present Day_ **

* * *

“Rey?” Ben’s voice snaps her out of her reverie. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, er, yeah, I’m fine, totally fine, just got a bit distracted,” she replies.

“Right...” he says slowly. “Anyway, literary fiction is back here,” he continues, leading her over to the section in a back corner of the shop.

She looks around at the stacks and stacks of books that surround them, and she’s reminded how much she used to love reading, how she and Ben would spend hours at the campus library just sitting together and reading and discussing their favorites, her head on his shoulder or on his lap while he would absentmindedly run his fingers through her hair. The memory brings an ache to her chest, especially now, standing in this bookstore that would be _theirs_ if she hadn’t been such a coward. 

They reach the corner where the book is located and Ben pulls the book from the shelf. “Here,” he says softly. His hand brushes against hers as he hands her the book, and Rey draws in a sharp breath as they both freeze in place, holding each other’s gaze. 

His eyes are just as adoring as they were two years ago, and she notices as they scan down her face, landing on her lips. She finds herself taking a step closer to him.

“It’s really, really good to see you, Rey,” he murmurs.

“It’s good to see you, too,” Rey replies softly. 

He reaches forward and brushes her hair out of her face, making her shiver. “You got even more beautiful somehow, if that’s even possible.”

His words bring a sharp ache to her heart. He tilts his head closer to her, but she pulls back.

“You opened the bookshop without me. We were supposed to open it together,” she says quietly.

Ben pulls back and sighs deeply. “Well, you left, Rey,” he says coolly.

“You never even called.”

“You said you didn’t want to be friends.”

“This was supposed to be _our_ thing.”

“Rey, do you think if I knew for one second that you would still want to open a bookstore with me that I would have done it without you?”

His words linger heavy in the air of the dark bookshop. The sun has gone down now, and the November wind whistles outside. 

Rey sighs. “Coming here was a bad idea,” she says finally. “I’ll get the book somewhere else,” she adds, putting it back on the shelf.

“Sweetheart, wait,” Ben says, gently grabbing her wrist.

She turns to glance at him, and there’s that same pleading look on his face that she remembers from two years ago, the look that’s been imprinted into her brain, haunting her every waking moment since. 

But this time she doesn’t turn away. She lets him hold her gaze, and she feels her breathing quickening. 

“Rey,” he says in a low, desperate voice.

“What?” 

He swallows thickly. “I— ”

Rey takes a step toward him. “You what, Ben?”

He takes another step toward her, and now he’s only a breath away, his eyes lingering on her lips. He’s close enough that she can smell his cologne — it’s the same one he used back in college, and the scent brings back a flurry of memories.

Like their first kiss at Christmas time under the mistletoe at Kaydel’s party. The first time he held her hand walking her home from her final exam on that cold December night. That night when she cried because she failed her test and he held her all night until her tears subsided.

And there are other memories too, things she shouldn’t be thinking about right now, like the first time he touched her , the first time he made her come, the first time she felt his tongue inside of her, the first time they made love, and all the hundreds of times after that, making her come undone night after night for almost three years. No one knows her body like he does, no one knows exactly the right ways to touch her and make her feel good the way that he does. 

It’s been two years and eight months and sixteen days since he last made her come. 

She’s breathing so heavily she can hear the sound echoing in the empty bookshop. She bites down on her lower lip, gazing up at him. “You what, Ben?” she repeats again, but her voice is a low whisper now.

And before she knows what’s happening, his lips are on hers, and she doesn’t protest, kissing back with all the longing and love that she’s kept pent up for two years and eight months and sixteen days, letting her tongue push against his as her hands knot into that silken raven colored hair of his, and it’s just as soft as she remembered. 

He pushes her up against the bookcase and she drops her purse to the ground as she gasps against his mouth, her hands grasping at his neck as his hand glides down her torso, and she groans when his hand finds her ass and pushes her up against where he’s already getting hard. She involuntarily finds herself rocking up against him, like it’s some natural age-old instinct that she can’t fight.

“I need you, sweetheart,” he pants out desperately when he breaks the kiss. “Even if it’s just for right now, just for tonight. I just need to be inside of you one last time, _please.”_

“Ben, are you sure?” 

He nods furiously. “Please,” he says breathlessly. “The store closed at 5 and you came in at 4:55, so no one else should be coming in. Let me touch you,” he adds hoarsely. And she can’t possibly say no to the man she loves when he’s pleading to touch her, even though she knows it’s a bad idea, even though she knows she shouldn’t, so she finds herself nodding her head furiously. And just like that his lips capture hers again in a searing kiss as his hand, his _impossibly large_ hand glides down lower, running up and down her thigh before dipping up under her pencil skirt, pulling down her tights with a frustrated huff.

  
“Do you know how it drove me fucking crazy to see you waltz into my bookshop wearing this _fucking skirt?”_ he growls in a low voice, making Rey whimper. He clumsily pulls her panties down, and she groans deeply when his fingertip glides through her slick, wet folds. 

“ _Ben_.”

“ _Fuck_ , you’re so fucking wet for me,” he says with awe, like he’s almost surprised by it. 

“You always make me so wet,” Rey pants out, whimpering and throwing her head back against the books as he swirls his wet fingertip around her clit. “ _Bennnn_.” 

“Tell me what you want, sweetheart,” he murmurs.

“Want you to fuck me with you fingers, _please Ben,_ I need it.”

“Mmm. Good girl.” It’s insane how just those two words make her cunt throb as she gets even wetter somehow. “Asking me so sweetly,” he croons.

She moans deeply when he slides one and then two fingers inside of her, pushing her flush up against the bookcase as he kisses her neck.

“God,” he hisses out, “I almost forgot how _fucking tight_ you are. I can’t wait to have my cock buried deep inside this tight little pussy.”

“I need it,” Rey whimpers.

“Need what, sweetheart?”  
  


“Your — _oh_ — your cock — need it — inside me,” she manages to bleat out, though it gets increasingly more difficult to speak with each thrust of his fingers.

“You have to be a good girl and come on my fingers first — can you do that for me, sweetheart?” he murmurs and Rey nods. “Of course you can. Such a good girl, my perfect girl.”

He moves his fingers faster then, his thumb swirling on her clit.

“Ben, Ben, yes _fuckfuckfuck_ — ” Her legs twitch and shake and then she’s coming _hard,_ certainly harder than anyone else has made her come in two years and eight months and sixteen days, crying out as she clenches on his fingers.

She feels sweat beading on her forehead, her breath coming out in panting gasps, his lips still pressed to her neck as he halts his fingers. He slowly pulls them out of her and she whimpers at the loss of contact. She watches with parted lips as he takes his fingers and slides them into his mouth, licking up every last drop of her with fervor. “Fuck. Almost forgot how fucking good you taste.”

Rey whimpers. “ _Ben,_ fuck _.”_

“Are you going to be a good girl and let me fuck you now?”

Rey nods furiously, reaching forward to undo his belt, and he lets her before reaching into his boxers and pulling out his throbbing, hard cock.

She’d almost forgotten how big he is. She reaches forward and lets her hand grasp around his shaft and he draws in a sharp breath, eyes rolling back into his head, her name escaping his lips like a prayer. She pulls her hand away, but only so she can clumsily fumble with the zipper on the back of her skirt. 

“Here, let me,” Ben murmurs softly. She turns around, and his hands are delicate and adoring as one gently holds her waist, the other slowly pulling down the zipper until the skirt drops down and pools around her ankles. She slides off her blazer, and he reaches around to undo the buttons on her blouse. His hands reach around to grasp at her breasts, fondling and kneading at them and drawing sweet sighs and moans from her lips. But then suddenly, he freezes.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t exactly make a habit of bringing condoms to work.”

“Oh. Fuck.” Rey pauses for a moment, turning around to face him and taking a deep breath before she speaks again. “Well, I’m on birth control and I’m clean, so we could — if you wanted to — ”

“I’m clean, too.” A beat. “Are you sure?”

“I need you inside of me, Ben,” she pleads. And that’s all the encouragement he needs to lift her up slightly and let her hook her legs around him before guiding himself toward her entrance, pushing her so hard against the wall that she’s vaguely worried the books will fall down on top of them. 

She gasps as he slides inside of her, filling her up so perfectly, like her cunt was made to be filled by his cock, and she wonders how she went so long without _this,_ wonders how she’ll go back to living without it, to pretending she doesn’t need it, doesn’t need _him._

She breathes out his name on a breathy, shaky sigh, and his lips find hers again, the tip of his tongue brushing against hers before sliding into her mouth, her tongue pushing against his languidly as he slowly thrusts out and then in again.

“You feel even more perfect than I remember,” Ben tells her. “You’re a fucking dream, sweetheart.”

She whimpers and moans, rocking her hips in a desperate bid for him to move faster and he does, fucking her hard against the shelves, which are blessedly attached to the wall, otherwise it would certainly have crashed onto them by now. 

He fucks her hard and fast, kissing desperately at her neck as she claws at his back, both full to exploding with two years and eight months and sixteen days worth of longing and desperation. 

“Needed you so badly, you have no idea,” Ben pants out. “Needed to be inside this tight, wet pussy, nothing and no one else can ever compare — fucking hell — _Rey —_ ”

“Ben please, I’m so close,” Rey whines, and he thrusts even harder then, holding her up with one arm while his other hand snakes around to thumb at her clit, making her shriek. “Yes, yes, just like that baby, please don’t stop I’m — I’m gonna — ” And just like that her vision whites out as her orgasm crashes over her powerfully, every inch of her body trembling as she gasps for breath, almost unbearably intense waves of pleasure crashing over her.

Soon after Ben comes with a grunt, spilling inside of her, panting against her neck as he lingers for a long moment, both of them struggling to catch their breath. 

He eventually lets her down and pulls out of her, and he wordlessly puts his cock back into his boxers and puts his belt back on as Rey scurries to re-dress herself. She’s about to leave when he gently grabs her elbow. She reluctantly turns around to face him.

“What does this mean, Rey?” he says softly.

“You said — you said you wanted me just one last time, just for now, just for tonight.”

“I know what I said, but I was stupid to think just one time could ever be enough for me.”

_Me too,_ Rey wants to say, the words sitting heavily on her tongue, threatening to spill out. She draws in a shaky breath. “I asked, and you said you were sure, Ben.”

He sighs. “You’re right,” he says quietly. 

“I should really get going then.” 

He wears that same broken look on his face she remembers all too well, and she has to turn away before her heart shatters in a thousand pieces. She picks up her purse off the floor. “Goodbye, Ben.” 

“Rey, wait, please — ”

She doesn’t turn back.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**Three Years Ago**

* * *

“So I know you’re going to become a bestselling novelist and all, but what do you want to do in the meantime?” Ben asks. Rey is sitting with her head on his lap as they watch _Pride and Prejudice_ and he is gently running his hands through her hair.

“Hmmmm,” Rey muses. “I always sort of had this vision of opening a bookstore. I would make it so cute and cozy, with fairy lights and artwork by local artists and cozy rugs and lots of places to sit, maybe I’d have a little cafe that would serve coffee and tea, I’d put my favorite books in the windows with little reviews written next to them. That’s the dream, honestly.” She glances up at him. “What about you?”

“Honestly? I’ve always wanted to open a bookshop too, but I think it would be much better with all your creative ideas.”

Rey grins. “You could handle all the business aspects of it, because as you know I’m rubbish at maths.”

He smirks, brushing her hair out of her face. “Say _‘maths’_ again,” he murmurs, pronouncing ‘maths’ in an exaggerated British accent.

Rey scrunches up her nose at him and he leans down and presses his lips to hers, and she sighs contentedly into the kiss. He pulls back ever so slightly, and she reaches up to touch his cheek. “And what shall we call this bookshop, darling?”

“Well, we’ve already established that you’re the creative one. If it were up to me it would just be ‘Rey and Ben’s Bookshop.’”

“Honestly? I think that’s perfect.”

“I think you’re perfect,” he mumbles, pressing his lips to hers again, and she giggles into the kiss. 

She knows it’s just a fantasy; she knows he’ll probably leave her long before they can open the bookshop.

But it’s nice to dream sometimes. 

* * *

**Present Day**

* * *

The next morning Rey’s phone buzzes and she sees she has a message from Jannah.

**Jannah** : _Did you get that book I was telling you about?!_

**Rey** : _No... it’s kind of a long story_

**Jannah:** _Do you want to talk about it?_

**Rey** _: Sure. Meet at our usual coffee shop in 20?_

**Jannah** : _Sounds good love x_

  
  


* * *

Rey meets Jannah at the bustling coffee shop, ordering her usual English Breakfast tea with milk and sugar. 

“Hey,” Rey says as she sits down across from Jannah, the Saturday morning sun casting a warm glow onto the table.

“You must have a _pretty good_ reason for not picking up the greatest book to ever exist in the history of mankind.” 

“So you know that new bookstore on Cornelia Street? The one with the ever-so-creative name ‘The Bookshop’?” Rey asks.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to check that out.”

“Yeah well...Ben is the owner,” Rey mutters.

Jannah’s eyes widen as she sets down her coffee.

“Oh my god, _shut up_ , no he doesn’t,” Jannah says in disbelief.

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Why _did_ you two break up anyway? You were so close in college, it seemed so out of the blue that you broke up,” Jannah points out as she pours a packet of sugar into her coffee and stirs it.

“Well, I got this new job in Coruscant and I thought he was staying in Chandrila,” Rey says with a shrug, taking a sip of her tea.

“Well, he’s here now,” Jannah points out. “Does that change anything?”

Rey shakes her head. “I’m _quite_ over him, Jans.”

Jannah raises an eyebrow. “Mm, the thing is, if you were quite over him, you would’ve just gotten the book and it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But here you are, bookless. So what happened?”

Rey sighs, putting her tea down and burying her face in her hands and sighing deeply. After a moment, she picks her head up. “The thing is, we, er — we sort of...fucked.”

Jannah nearly spits out her coffee. “You _what_?”

Rey feels her cheeks turn red. “Yeah,” she mutters.

“And I thought you were, what was it? Oh yeah, ‘ _quite over him.’_ ”

“It was just a one-time thing,” Rey insists. “We just had to, er...get it out of our systems, you know?”

Jannah stirs her coffee. “Mm-hm. Sure.”

“I’m serious, Jans!”

Jannah drops her voice down low. “Did you guys fuck _in the bookstore?”_

“Maybe,” Rey mumbles.

“ _Rey!”_

“I don’t know, it was like a heat of the moment thing,” Rey attempts to explain.

“I can’t believe you shagged someone in public!”

“The bookstore was technically closed, so,” Rey points out.

“ _Still.”_

“Either way, like I said, it was a one time thing,” Rey insists.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Why?”  
  


“These kinds of things are rarely actually a one-time thing, Rey.”

“Well, in this case it is.”

“Are you _sure_ you don’t still have feelings for him?”

“Absolutely _not_.” 

“Hmmm. Well, in that case, it should be no trouble for you to go back and get the book, right? Since you’re completely over him and all. Should be no big deal.”

Jannah knows her far too well. “I — right. Of course. I can go back and get the book. It’s no problem, really. I’ll go right now, as a matter of fact. Because it’s totally no big deal.”

“If you say so, Rey.”

“Really, it’s nothing, Jannah,” Rey tells her as she stands up to leave. 

“Hope you don’t _accidentally_ slip and fall onto his dick again,” Jannah mutters under her breath.

Rey rolls her eyes. “I _won’t,”_ she assures her. “It really was a one-time thing.”

“Alright, whatever you say, love.”

* * *

Rey takes a deep breath as she goes to enter the bookshop again. 

He’s standing by the register, looking as handsome as ever in a crisp white button-down that just highlights how broad-shouldered and muscular he is. And then, _oh,_ he _smiles_ at her and it’s _everything._ She could melt into the floor on the spot. She wants nothing more than to run into his arms and tell him she’s sorry, to tell him she loves him again and again.

But she stops herself. She reminds herself why she’s here. She’s just getting a book.

She makes her way over to the register.

“You came back,” Ben says, a smile tugging at his lips, and it’s like he can hardly contain his jubilation.

“I — ” Rey sighs. “I’m just coming back because I forgot to get the book yesterday.”

He deflates, looking like a kicked puppy, and it breaks her heart. “Oh. Right. Yeah. Of course. I’ll just — I’ll just go grab it.”

He disappears to the back of the store and then emerges a moment later holding the book.

“Before I ring you out, can I ask you a question, Rey?”

“Er — sure, I guess.”

“Did you ever finish your novel?”

“Um...no, actually. I gave up on it. I got a corporate job instead.”

Ben frowns. “You once told me you’d rather die than sell out and get a corporate job.”

“Well, things change, Ben.”

“What changed, though? You were so passionate about your novel, you used to talk about it all the time. You were always staying up late working on it after you finished your homework. I don’t get it.”

Rey sighs. “It just wasn’t realistic — none of it was. I had to be realistic, Ben,” she insists.

“What do you mean none of it was?”

Rey sighs again, exasperated. “The novel, the bookshop, _us.”_

“Well, I managed to open the bookshop, so I don’t see how that part was unrealistic.”

“Yeah, because I wasn’t here to muck things up,” Rey says under her breath.

Ben’s brows push together. “What did you say?”

Rey sighs. “Nothing. Nevermind.”

“I’m just saying, I managed to open up the bookshop. You’re the one who gave up on your novel, and on us.”

She feels tears welling in her eyes now. “You don’t get it, Ben, the novel was _about_ us and _us_ didn’t exist anymore.”

“But _why_ Rey? Why did you end things? Did you really fall out of love with me? It never made sense to me. It seemed so out of the blue.”

“I told you, Ben — it’s because it was unrealistic,” she insists.

“I just don’t understand, _why_ was it unrealistic, Rey?”

“It was unrealistic for me to think anyone could ever love me enough to stay,” she blurts out.

There is a tense silence and pain flickers in Ben’s eyes. “What did you say?”

She can’t hold back the tears any longer, can’t suppress the sob that bleats out from the back of her throat. Ben hurriedly sets the book down and walks around the counter, wrapping his arms around her, and she lets him, burying her face against his chest. He holds her while she lets the tears out, and after a while she lifts her head, sniffling.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly.

“Why do you think no one could ever love you enough to stay, sweetheart?” Ben says softly. “Do you know that I never stopped loving you, not even for one second? Do you know that I never will?”

Rey sniffs. “Ben, please. I should go.” She tries to pull out of his embrace, but he holds her tightly. 

“I can’t lose you again,” he pleads in a broken voice

“I’m so sorry Ben, but I just...I can’t do this.” 

  
Defeated, he loosens his embrace, and she pulls away from him, turning towards the door.

“I’ll never stop loving you, Rey. I just need you to know that,” he says quietly.

_I’ll never stop loving you either,_ she thinks to herself.  
  


And then she walks out the door, leaving her heart behind her.

* * *

**Three Weeks Later**

* * *

She sees him everywhere. In her dreams, at the bus stop, in the grocery line. Ghosts of the man she loves more than she can bear.

She finds the old Word document where her novel lives, and she starts writing again, because she doesn’t know any other way to process these feelings, and she decides that even if happy endings can’t exist in real life, maybe she can give one to the fictional versions of she and Ben.

She’s been ignoring Jannah, not wanting to hear _I told you so_ when she tells her she didn’t manage to get the book on that second trip, because of course, _of course_ she’s still in love with him. How could she not be?

But she can’t ignore her forever, and based on her texts, Jannah is starting to get worried.

**Jannah:** _Rey, I haven’t heard from you in weeks, is everything okay?_

 **Rey:** _Not really, actually._

 **Jannah:** _What’s up, love?_

**Rey:** _Can you come over? I’d prefer to talk about this in person._

**Jannah:** _Yeah, of course. Be there soon._

  
  


* * *

When Jannah arrives, they sit down on Rey’s couch. 

“You were right, by the way. I’m not over Ben, and I didn’t get the book. And I don’t know what to do.”

Jannah's brows push together in concern. “What do you mean?”

“I just — I love him so much, Jannah, and I want to be with him, I just don’t know how.”

“I’m still not getting what you mean, love.”

Rey sighs. “I just — ” she draws in a shaky breath. “You know how I grew up in foster care and everything?”

Jannah nods.

“Well, when you get bounced around like that as a kid and not a single family ever wants to keep you, it fucks with you. You start to really believe that you’re unlovable and that no one will ever stay.”

“Oh, Rey...” Jannah says softly.

“I just — ” Rey stifles a sob. “It’s so hard to believe that someone could truly love me. That they would stay, that they wouldn’t eventually realize I’m broken and unlovable and leave me, just like everyone always does.”

“Hey, shhhh,” Jannah murmurs, wiping away Rey’s tears. “Well first of all, you should know that _I_ love you and I know it’s not the same, but you’ve got me and Kaydel and Finn and Poe and we all love you very, very much. So this belief that you’re unlovable is completely false. But I know that doesn’t make it feel any less real.”

“Yeah,” Rey says softly, sniffling. “I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.”

“Have you ever considered talking to someone about all this? I know seeing a therapist has been very helpful to me, and it might be something worth considering.”

“No you’re right, it’s something I’ve considered a lot but I’ve just never gotten round to. I always felt like I was too busy or something. But I know it’s something I need to do. I guess I’ll start trying to look up a therapist today.”

Jannah reaches over and squeezes Rey’s hand. “I know it’s scary, but I’m really proud of you. You’re making the right choice.”

* * *

**One Month Later**

* * *

By the time Rey feels ready to face Ben again, she wonders if he will even remember her; it’s been almost two months since they last spoke. He might have even moved on and found someone new. But so much has changed during that time. For one, she’s started going to therapy to sort out all her thorny feelings about her past and she’s starting, slowly, to maybe open up to the idea that she deserves to be loved.

She’s also finished the first draft of her novel, and the one person she wants to read it more than anyone else in the world is Ben.

So she takes a deep breath and makes her way to his bookshop. There’s a line of people waiting in the queue when she gets there, so she waits at the back of the line, nervously clutching her manuscript.

Eventually, she reaches the register, and Ben doesn’t realize it’s her at first.

“Hi there, did you find everything you were looking f— _Rey_ ,” he says breathlessly. 

She smiles bashfully. “Hi. So. I totally understand if you never want to see or hear from me again after everything I’ve put you through, and if you want me to go, I will but I just, well,” she gestures to her manuscript, “I just wanted you to be the first person I told. And I also wanted to see if maybe you might want to read it.”

She can’t quite make out his expression; he looks like he’s about to cry. 

“Rey, I would be honored to read your story,” he says softly, and then he steps out from behind the register so he’s standing in front of her. “And I meant it before, when I said I never stopped loving you. I never stopped and I never will, Rey. I love you so much. I’ve loved you every second of every minute of every day from the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

Now Rey feels like she’s going to cry. “I love you too, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. And I would like to explain why I was so scared, if you’ll let me.”

“Yes, of course — I’m about to close up so we can go talk at my place if you want.”

Rey smiles. “I’d love that.”

* * *

Ben’s flat is about as creative as his bookshop; all black and shades of gray, with accents of chrome and leather. 

Rey and Ben sit down on the couch together, and he looks at her with adoring eyes that make her feel safe and loved. He gingerly reaches over and takes her hand. “So, what did you want to tell me, sweetheart?”

Rey takes a deep breath. “Well,” she starts to say, when you grow up in foster care the different homes begin to blur together after a while. Some were nice, sure, but they never loved me enough to keep me. And then there were the ones who called me worthless, or worse yet, would hit me. All cementing the idea that I was fundamentally unlovable. All cementing the idea that no one would ever stay, that I’m just not the kind of person worth staying for.”

Ben’s lip quivers as he fights back tears. “Oh my God, Rey, I had no idea. I’m so sorry you went through that. No one deserves that. But I hope you know that you’re not fundamentally unlovable — you’re the farthest thing from that. I love you, so, so much, and I’m not going to leave you.”

Rey sniffs. She didn’t realize she had started crying, too. “Yeah, I think I know that now, or at least I’m working on it. I’ve been going to therapy for a few months now to start working through some of this stuff, and I’ve had to challenge a lot of these long-held beliefs I’ve had about myself. That’s why it took me so long to come back to you. I just needed some time to work on myself before I was ready to tell you I love you, before I was ready to let you love me. But I’m ready now, Ben. So very, very ready. I missed you so much, you have no idea.” 

“I missed you too, sweetheart,” Ben murmurs. “More than you know.” And then his lips are pressed against hers and _oh_ how she had missed his kisses, how she’d missed the feeling of his full, plush lips pressed against her own. She feels his tongue brush along the seam of her mouth like he’s asking her to open it and she does, eagerly parting her lips and letting her tongue push against his. 

His lips feel like electricity and taste like longing and everything she’s been needing but had been too scared to admit. But now she knows their love was never unrealistic, the only thing unrealistic was expecting she could ever stay away from him, that she could ever resist the magnetic pull of her love for him. 

The kiss deepens into something hungry and desperate, because they’ve _needed_ each other for two years and nine months and seven days now, and the only thing left to do is show each other just how much they missed each other, just how much they love each other.

  
Rey takes Ben’s face in her hands and deepens the kiss, moaning softly into his mouth. His hand runs through her hair, his other hand pulling her in closer to him and soon she finds herself on his lap.

“Rey,” he breathes out with intense reverence when they have to break the kiss to catch their breath. “I need you.”

“I know. I need you, too. Need you so badly,” she tells him as she leans in and captures his lips in a bruising kiss, rocking her hips up against him, making him groan. She can feel how hard he is beneath her and it steals the air from her lungs. She needs him inside of her. Desperately.

“Ben,” she whines as he breaks the kiss and trails kisses down her neck, one of his hands coming up to palm at her breast. She whimpers at his ministrations, and the way it feels so natural for his hands to be touching her body, like they were molded just to hold and caress every inch of her.

She bucks up against him again and groans at the sweet friction of his hard cock against her clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure across every inch of her skin.

“Sweetheart, if you keep doing that — _fuck_ — this isn’t going to last very long.”

“Then take me to your bed, darling,” she tells him. She leans forward and lets her lips brush against the shell of his ear. “Need you inside of me.”

He shivers and then wraps his arms around her and lifts her up with him as he stands up, and she wraps her legs around him in a fluid motion.

When they get to his bedroom, he takes his time with her. He kisses her forehead, both of her eyelids, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her lips, her jaw, her neck. She shudders, the featherlight kisses giving her goosebumps. He gently tugs at the hem of her shirt. “Take this off for me, sweetheart,” he murmurs, and she does as she’s told, quickly pulling it over her head and letting it fall to the floor. 

She hears Ben’s sharp intake of breath as his dark eyes reverently scan her newly laid bare skin, and she feels herself flush at the intensity of his gaze. He leans down and their lips meet in a gentle kiss as he gingerly reaches behind her to unclasp her bra, and she slides it off the rest of the way, letting it join her shirt on the floor. 

His trails kisses down her neck until his lips find her breast, gently sucking at it, making Rey moan and arch her back as he kneads her other breast with his hand. He sucks at her other breast, and then trails kisses down her belly, his eyes fixed to hers, and she feels her breathing quicken and her heartbeat drumming in her ears.

He unbuttons and unzips her jeans before gently pulling them off. And then _oh-so-delicately,_ he brushes his fingertips along the delicate lace of her panties, making her whimper, a desperate _please, Ben_ escaping her lips. He tugs off her underwear and then lowers his head and tenderly kisses both of her thighs, and when his mouth finds her cunt she cries out, whimpering his name. 

He hooks his arms under her legs and pulls her close against his face, moaning softly against her cunt as he laves at it. What starts with gentle, languid licks quickly becomes something more frenzied, and he devours her, groaning deeply. With his tongue inside of her and the heat of his gaze locked onto hers, she can _feel_ how much he loves her, how he missed her, how he’s been needing her just as much as she’s needed him, and all the times she touched herself to thoughts of him could never compare to _this_ , to his tender, fervent, determined adoration, each blessed flick of his tongue bringing her closer to something she desperately needs, something only he can give her.

“Ben, you’re gonna make me — _fuck_ — ” she whimpers, tiny desperate sounds spilling from her lips as she rocks rocks against his face, and he licks and sucks at her with even more fervor until his orgasm crashes over her, leaving her a whimpering, babbling mess as her whole body trembles with the force of it.

He sits up and gently kisses her sweat dampened forehead.

“You’re so pretty when you come for me,” he murmurs, his voice smooth as velvet. He leans down and gently presses his lips to hers. Rey gingerly runs her hands up and down his chest, reveling in the feeling of his body above hers, so warm and and solid and strong beneath her fingertips, every inch of him all for her. 

Without breaking the kiss, she undoes the buttons on his shirt, and he shrugs it off, letting it join her clothes in the heap on the floor. She lets her hands roam across his bare chest and up and down along his arms, and she revels in the way she can feel goosebumps on his skin, just from her touch. Her hands run across his chest again, and she can’t get enough of touching him, of breathing him in. He smells like mahogany and bergamot and aftershave, and his skin is warm and soft, so impossibly _real_ for the first time in forty-nine impossibly long days. 

Her hands roam lower across the taut muscles of his abdomen, and she clumsily fumbles with the button and zipper on his jeans. He helps her along, pulling his pants off the rest of the way, leaving him only in his boxers. He breaks the kiss just so he can take his underwear off, and then he’s finally naked for her. 

His cock is so hard and red and impossibly big, and her cunt throbs at the memory of how it fills her up so perfectly, like he was made to be inside of her.

She reaches forward, longing to touch, to feel, to taste. She leans down and licks along his length, making him shudder, before taking him in her mouth and sucking.

“Sweetheart, that feels — so good, you have no idea — _fuck_ — but I want — I want to come when I’m inside you — ”

She pulls him out of her mouth. “I know, I just missed how it felt having your cock in my mouth,” she informs him. She sits up and kisses him gently. “Speaking of coming inside me...I haven’t had sex with anyone since that day at the bookshop,...”

“Me either.”

  
She bites down on her lower lip nervously, and then: “I want you to fill me up with your cum again, baby, _please_ ,” she pleads, because she’s just so desperate to feel him again with no barrier between them. 

“Fuck,” Ben mutters. “Of course, sweetheart. I’ll fill you up so good,” he croons, making her moan.

His lips capture hers in a tender, languid kiss, and she feels her breathing quicken as he nudges against her entrance, before slowly easing inside, making her breath come in little hitched gasps.

She runs her hands up and down his back, pulling him as close to her as possible, and her lips part into an O shape once he’s sheathed all the way inside of her. “ _Ben_. Oh my God.”

He draws in a shaky breath. “I know.”

Their lips meet again, tongues slowly pushing against one another as pulls back and then gently rocks into her again. 

“Ben,” Rey says fiercely, his dark, adoring eyes locked onto hers with an intensity that makes her shiver. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he says fiercely before their lips meet in a kiss that is at once tender and hungry, like he’s desperate to _show_ her just how much he loves her. He moves faster then, pushing into her harder and drawing low, desperate moans from her lips. “Fuck,” he groans. “Missed this, missed _you_ ,” he murmurs. He starts fucking her harder, and she cries out. “You have no idea how fucking perfect it feels to be inside this tight, wet cunt of yours; you’re a fucking _dream,_ Rey.”

Each push and pull of his cock brings her closer and closer to a desperately needed release. She shivers at the intense resolve in her eyes as he fucks her in a way that is at once tender and fervid. 

And then all at once she’s coming _hard_ , and cries out his name again and again as her orgasm wracks over her. The pleasure is so intense she almost feels like she could cry.

“Are you gonna come for me, Ben? Need to feel you fill me up,” she pleads, and he nods furiously.

His pace becomes more erratic and frenzied and then he comes with a loud grunt as he spills inside inside of her, making her groan.

He collapses on top of her for a brief moment before pulling out of her, but he quickly pulls her with him and holds her close. She buries her face against his chest and sighs contentedly.

  
“I love you,” she murmurs.

He kisses the top of her head. “I love you too, Rey.”

“I’ve got a lot of ideas for the bookshop, you know,” she tells him after a moment.

His lips twist into a smile. “Yeah?”

“Mm-hm. We need to cozy up the place, bring in some nice rugs, some fairy lights, some art work. And it needs a better name. I love you, Ben, but ‘The Bookshop’? _Really_?”

“In my defense, I lost the creative half of my team,” he points out.

  
“Well, she’s back now and she has _many_ ideas,” she tells him with a grin as she snuggles up closer to him.

“And I can’t wait to hear them all,” he says softly.

“Can we call it ‘Rey and Ben’s Bookshop’ like we always planned to?”

“Of course. Whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy, sweetheart.”

She hums contentedly. “I love you.”

He kisses the top of her head. “I love you, too.”  
  


She drifts off to sleep in his arms, knowing she’s exactly where she was always meant to be. 


End file.
